I'm scared of the answer, but I need to know. Am I bipolar?

The best thing to do would be to go see a psychologist. Have a full mental evaluation done and find ways to get help. Sometimes something as simple as a weekly therapist appointment can make a huge difference- having someone who can constructively help you manage your thoughts and emotions with the guarantee that what you tell them will never be repeated is quite amazing. I started dealing with manic depression around the age of 15 and after a few years of therapy and finding the right medication I'm better than ever. It was initially difficult for me to cope with the fact that I would need medications to make myself feel "normal" but how I feel now in comparison to then is an astronomical difference. Just know this: Your doctor is there to help you and any question, no matter how strange or embarrassing it may seem, is a good question. They are there to help you so ask whatever questions you have.